Empty Screen

So, I’ve sat here for a good 30 minutes looking at this empty screen. I’m digging deep, y’all, trying to find something to write about. Something engaging and important. Something relevant. Something gay/ssa-related. Something that will be evocative and also make us think hard and also be entertaining. Something that will cast this issue in a new light, maybe. Or at least bring up a pertinent sub-issue. I mean it’s been a month or so since I posted here, right? I should be able to come up with something.

Right?

Then it occurred to me: that’s just the point. I don’t have much to say about being gay right now. Like, seriously. I’m just… not thinking about much when it comes to this issue. Even on my personal blog, I find that I’m gravitating towards other topics.

It’s not because this topic isn’t important. It’s not because there isn’t a lot to learn or a lot to say. It’s definitely not because this issue has stopped affecting me.

But right now, on the 15th of January of 2013, I have officially nothing to say about the fact that I am a gay Mormon. 

Sometimes being homosexual is not at the forefront of a homosexual person’s mind. Sometimes, at least in my life, it recedes to the background of my existence–ever present, of course–but not noteworthy, obfuscated by my attention towards other things. I believe that this is normal. I actually think it’s healthy. I think it coincides with identity. Homosexuality is a part of who I am. It’s nowhere near all of who I am.

I was recently reading my journal from when I was 17 years old. In it, I had just come out (to the journal) and was talking about the issue of homosexuality. Then I said something that struck me. I said “Sometimes we’re so busy concentrating on issues that we feel like we need to take a break from life, and other times we’re so busy living life that we feel like we need a break from concentrating on issues.”

Right now? I’m just really busy living my life.

And that’s okay.

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