Facebook Group


In an effort to bring our community together, even more, we have our own completely private and confidental Facebook group.

What is a private Facebook group?

This means that unless you’re a member of this group, you cannot see any posts, who is or isn’t a part of this group, or see that the group itself even exists. Joining this group, or posts that are made in the group do not appear on your news feed to anyone who is not already a member. We recognize how important your privacy and confidentiality are as you begin to address these issues and as you make connections with others in the North Star community.

It’s also important to note that while we have a variety of email discussion groups for different demographics within our community, there is only one Facebook group for the entire North Star community. Men, women, spouses, family members and friends are all in the same group together. We may add other groups in time as need/demand dictates, but this is our only group for now. Thus, we ask that everyone in the group be mindful to keep conversation threads appropriate to our broader community interests and focus more demographic-appropriate conversations in the respective email discussion groups.

How to join:

Because there are such stringent privacy measures taken into account, one can not simply ask to join this group. They must be invited by someone that is already a member, then approved by one of our Moderators after agreeing to the membership rules, which are in-place to protect you, and others as well as ensuring a peaceful, positive atmosphere.

Requirement: Given the personal nature of Facebook and the amount of vulnerability involved, to join this group it is required that you use your real name and real identity, not use pseudonyms or nick names as is allowed in our other Discussion Groups.

Read, understand, and agree to abide by the North Star Facebook Group “Rules and Obligations of Membership.” These rules are in place for a reason and will be carefully and respectfully enforced throughout your interaction in the group. Please read them closely.

Click to read the Group Rules...

Rule One: Qualifications

By joining the North Star Facebook support and fellowship group, you are certifying that your intention in joining is to receive and/or give support for living the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ as you strive to better understand and respond to the feelings and attractions you are experiencing. Individuals who do not experience feelings of same-gender attraction or gender identity concerns are also welcome to join as long as their sole intention is to give support and fellowship or increase in understanding for giving support to others. Anyone who joins under false pretenses will be immediately removed.

Rule Two: Confidentiality

All communications within the group must be kept strictly confidential. Unless you have obtained express permission of the author, you may not forward, discuss, or summarize messages here with anyone who is not a member of the list, including spouses or other family members. We do want people to feel safe and free to be open with others in the group without fear of unwanted disclosure, but please be aware that some issues may be more appropriate to discuss in our email discussion groups or forums.

For individuals who are spouses (current or divorced), or family members of individuals who deal with same-sex attraction or gender identity incongruence: When discussing your questions, feelings, and experiences, we remind you to please be mindful of stated desired privacy and anonymity of those loved ones for whom you are seeking support. Many men and women who experience homosexual attraction or gender dysphoria also experience high levels of anxiety about their feelings being known to others. As such, we encourage sensitivity to those feelings and to maintain the level of confidentiality and anonymity for your loved ones that they wish to maintain for themselves.

Rule Three: Participation

There is no rule of minimum participation, and some may not desire to actively post to the group, especially at first. This is fine. However, we do encourage active involvement in the group and suggest that posts be made to the group, rather than privately to individuals — except where group responses would be inappropriate — so that all members may learn and grow from one another. When private correspondence between individuals is deemed more appropriate, please remember that private messages are bound by all rules of North Star discussion group participation.

Consistent also with the rule of Confidentiality, if it is discovered that a group member who does not post is using group discussion content in other forums, particularly in ways that are derogatory or demeaning, that group member will be immediately removed.

Rule Four: Cross-posting

It is not uncommon for Facebook group members to also belong to more than one North Star group of varying demographics, or to other Facebook groups not sponsored by North Star. An individual may choose to send a single post to more than one group. This is entirely appropriate, considering:

posts are consistent with confidentiality rules and do not include personal information or message content of other individuals without first gaining their explicit consent, particularly if cross-posts are a response to one individual, and messages are consistent with the previously stated purpose of North Star discussion groups.

Rule Five: Discussion and Tone

We expect that all who post messages will do so with an attitude of love and friendship. Heartfelt discussion is encouraged. Disagreement, debate, and bantering are welcome, so long as they remain respectful and friendly. Avoid contention, insults, and unkind criticism. Outside of a few clear, gospel-centered values, many viewpoints and opinions are represented here; so, you cannot expect or insist that everyone will automatically share yours.

Please be sensitive of the experiences, beliefs, feelings, needs, and struggles of others, and avoid cynicism, sarcasm, and imputing bad motives to others. Approach differences with kindness and humility, and allow each individual their own opinion and the privilege of following the dictates of his or her own conscience.

Rule Six: Church- or Gay-Bashing

Everyone has noticed attitudes or beliefs among some Church members they would like to see change, and some have felt hurt by Church members or leaders, but we ask that remarks concerning Church members or leaders be constructive. Just like with yourself, positive results and change best occur if you can learn to focus on the positive, and there are many positive examples of Church members’ response to those dealing with issues related to homosexuality or gender dysphoria.

Also, while we may not condone the choices of those who pursue homosexual relationships or engage in homosexual activity, or certain choices transgender individuals may make in seeking reconciliation, we must recognize and remember that each of us has the right to exercise our own moral agency. Those who may currently be following such a life course are God’s children, whom He loves, and are in need of our love, compassion, understanding, and respect. Keep references positive and building rather than cutting and degrading. As Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, “Our doctrines…condemn those who engage in so-called ‘gay bashing’ – physical or verbal attacks on persons thought to be involved in homosexual or lesbian behavior” (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Ensign, October 1995).

Rule Seven: “I-Statements”

Please speak only for yourself and only about your own experience, feelings, and beliefs. Please make a conscience effort to use “I-statements” wherever possible, and never use “you should” statements. For example, you might say, “If I was in that situation, I would…,” rather than “This is what you should do…”

Avoid telling others what they should do or believe, and certainly what they should feel. Please be very careful about giving unsolicited advice.

Rule Eight: Appropriate Group Content and Private Behavior

Inclusion of Links to Events or Other Resources

This Facebook group may not be used to promote or advertise groups, activities, internet sites, or publications whose ideals or content are out of harmony with the core values and teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ regarding the sacred and eternal nature of sexuality, gender, and the family –- whether from secular or religious sources. Events or resources referenced must be explicitly and exclusively supportive of the values and behavioral standards of the Church.

Message Content

Your posts on this group must not be sexually explicit. There are no “forbidden” words or subjects, but graphic descriptions of experiences or thoughts that may trigger unwanted feelings and emotions in some members should be avoided. Also, please avoid all coarse, vulgar, or offensive language.

Interpersonal Behavior

If you are approached by another group member for cyber-sex or any other inappropriate activity, or if you are feeling harassed by another group member, you will notify the moderator at once so the issue may be immediately addressed. This behavior is unacceptable in the group. Even if you are not a participant in such behavior, once you become aware of it you are required to disclose it to the moderators so that they may make sure the group remains safe and true to its mission. Failing to disclose knowledge of these activities is just as much grounds for removal as participating in the activities themselves.

While we welcome those who may currently struggle in their testimonies of the gospel or with homosexual behavior, to use this forum to “hook up” or meet others for purposes contrary to the gospel is strictly forbidden. Members of the group whose behavior hasn’t been in harmony with their covenants should at least aim to align themselves with the principles of the gospel rather than to renounce their covenants or Church teachings or to advocate that others do so.

This group certainly can and should be used to find friends with whom you can relate and find support, but those with other motives must look elsewhere.

Integrity to Group Purpose

The purpose of this list should be to build faith and character. Though a wide range of discussion over how to deal with same-gender attraction or gender identity concerns in light of our commitment to the gospel is encouraged, arguments intended to dissuade members from keeping covenants or otherwise undermining their commitment to the gospel or the Church should not be posted.

We will strictly apply these rules; your violation of them may result in termination of your subscription.


Send a message to our Official North Star page requesting membership to the group, with the following text included: “I have read all the rules and obligations of membership in the Facebook group and I commit to abide by them.”

Also include your age, city and state of residence, a brief description of your circumstances (some people include family or home situation, whether or not others know about their situations, etc.), and why you’d like to join the Facebook group.

For Private groups, Facebook settings allow you to be invited only by a Friend. Thus, one of our moderators will temporarily add you as a Friend, and you will then be officially added to the group.

Introduce yourself to the group so we can get to know you!

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