Spouses :: Community and Resources

We support the Church's doctrine that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." Unfortunately, some circumstances make family life particularly challenging. Among them is the scenario where one or both partners in the marriage experience same-gender attraction. Whether it is appropriate to begin or continue such a marriage is a profoundly important decision, but there is a right answer for each individual that God knows. However, generalizations and pat answers are seldom helpful.

Although some spouses are aware that their husband or wife experiences attraction to the same gender, many do not learn about the issue until they are already married. If that has been your experience, please understand that this may not be a result of conscious deceit, but a result of the difficulty many people have of achieving sufficient personal awareness when dealing with attractions they didn't choose and probably don't want. One way to view such a development is as a beautiful opportunity to work through the relevant issues together. You may find your marriage commitments deepened and strengthened by the manner in which you deal with this issue.

You will find advice from those of varied dispositions on this topic. As you seek additional helpful information and resources, be careful to choose those you can trust, since different sources may disagree on crucial points that could influence the entire course of your life, your spouse's life, and your children.

As individuals who believe in and are trying to live according to the principles and standards of the Church, we've tried to assemble a variety of resources that will help you to move forward in the gospel in a way that will be spiritually, emotionally, and socially enriching. Since you're here, we assume you are trying to live the gospel too, and we're glad. Welcome!

Resources on this page are organized as follows:

North Star Resources

Upcoming Events

Church Resources

Other Resources

North Star Resources

These are discussion groups, articles, and personal essays created by North Star or published on the North Star website. If you'd like to share some of your feelings, experiences, or you're your testimony in a personal essay, please contact us.

Join North Star Spouses discussion group

This group is for wives of men and husbands of women who were formerly homosexually oriented, those who currently experience homosexual attraction, or those who have embraced their homosexuality. Currently married, divorced, and prospective spouses are welcome.

Read the rules and expectations, and request to join.

Community Voices

Check back for articles here!

Questions and Answers

Check back for articles here!

Northern Lights Blog Discussions

Straight Spouse Interview: Jessie Christensen
Darrin - January 10, 2008

Straight Spouse Interview: Darrin
Darrin - December 9, 2007

Straight Spouse Interview: Megan
Megan - November 27, 2007

Straight Spouse Interview Series Foreword
Ben Christensen - November 26, 2007

Part 2: What to Ask, What to Tell
FoxyJ - August 3, 2007

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and My Marriage
FoxyJ - July 10, 2007

Who are you calling polite?
FlameRetardentMormon - May 3, 2007

Upcoming Events

North Star does not currently sponsor any specific activities or events. We do, however, provide a calendar of events sponsored by other individuals or groups which are in harmony with the mission of North Star and/or encourage values and behavior standards that are consistent with the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The following events cater to, or are welcoming of, spouses of men and women experiencing homosexual attraction:

Monday, February 4, March 3, April 7, May 5, June 2
Fireside at home of Fred and Marilyn Matis
Lehi, Utah

Saturday-Sunday, April 5-6
Love, Sex, & Intimacy (LSI) Level I Healing Seminar
Baltimore, Maryland

Saturday, June 21
Spouses Retreat
Holladay, Utah

Church Resources

God Loveth His Children | PDF
Newly released booklet (July 20, 2007) providing counsel specific to Latter-day Saints who experience same-gender attraction

LDS.org Email Subscriptions: Family Gems

LDS.org Email Subscriptions: Daily Gems

LDS.org Articles

"I Won't Give Up On Them!"
Name Withheld
Ensign, February 2004

When a Loved One Struggles With Same-Sex Attraction
A. Dean Byrd
Ensign, September 1999

Let us know of articles by Church leaders or in Church publications that have been helpful to you as a spouse, former spouse, or potential spouse of someone dealing with same-sex attraction, by emailing us.

LDS.org Gospel Library Selected Topics

Abuse | Communication | Disciplinary Councils | Divorce | Family | Forgiveness | Hope | Love | Marriage | Pornography | Repentance

LDS.org Provident Living articles

Communication | Divorce | Family | Homosexuality (Same-Sex Attraction) | Marriage | Single Parenting

Other Resources

These are online discussion forums, informational websites, weekend seminars and retreats, or articles and addresses sponsored by other individuals, groups, or organizations. North Star provides the following information only as reference and the approach of particular resources may or may not fully reflect the opinions or approach of individual North Star contributors.

Online Discussion Groups

People Can Change Online Support Group for wives

Website Resources

People Can Change family resources
Evergreen International family resources

Weekend Seminars and Retreats

Love, Sex, and Intimacy
Sponsored by the International Healing Foundation
For youth, men, women, spouses, parents, family

Heirs Together
Sponsored by Barry and Rhonda Moses
For both spouses to attend together