Everyone has questions, and sometimes you might be afraid to ask them. It’s important to keep in mind that there may not be concrete or definite answers given in mortality for every question we face. However, the gospel and many personal experiences and feelings gathered here shed light on some of those things each of us has pondered about at one point.
A lot of the most frequent questions folks ask as they come to terms with a spouse’s homosexual attractions have been gathered here with general responses from the North Star community collectively as well as additional personal responses from other men and women here in our community.
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How can I best help my spouse/fiancé(e)?Two things that best show help and support to your spouse/fiance(e) are 1) being involved and 2) taking care of yourself. To begin with–whether you’re male or female–you have probably found that your significant other has a lot of emotions and often likes to share. Find time as a couple to have some meaningful discussions without distractions. Growing a relationship takes time and lots of work… >>MORE |
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Will my spouse always experience same-sex attraction? Does this ever go away?This question is impossible to answer because it depends completely on the individual and his or her experience. If you are the spouse who does not experience same-sex attraction, you may be anxious to know the answers to these questions, but the truth is that both of these questions are unimportant in the grand scheme of your relationship… >>MORE |
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I hear such mixed stories. Is it naive of me to be optimistic about my relationship with my spouse/fiancé(e)?Just as with all relationships, some work and some don’t. There are so many different factors that play into the success of a relationship, most of which have absolutely nothing to do with SSA. If you have made your decision to marry a prayerful one and you feel good about it, you have every reason to be excited and optimistic about your marriage. If you are already married and you are both committed to each other and the Lord, again, you have so many reasons to rejoice and be optimistic… >>MORE |
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My fiancé(e) just confided in me that (s)he experiences same-sex attraction. Should we tell my family?Whether or not to tell your family about something so personal as your fiancé(e) experiencing same-sex attraction is entirely up to you and your fiancé(e) and depends a lot on your familial circumstances. While neither you nor your fiancé(e) should feel ashamed that he (or she) experiences same-sex attraction, it is still very personal and should be treated the same as any other personal information… >>MORE |
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How can we keep same-sex attraction from being a scapegoat in our relationship?The short answer? Stay humble. Your spouse may experience same-sex attraction but you have issues too. You would resent it if every problem you experienced were sourced back to your issues and, similarly, it is unfair to make every challenge in your relationship about your spouse’s same-sex attraction. More than likely–unless your spouse is dealing with his or her same-sex attraction in a very unhealthy way–very few of the issues in your relationship are actually about same-sex attraction. Even the issues that look like they may be related are probably due to other underlying issues… >>MORE |
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I understand my spouse experiences same-sex attraction, but why do we have to talk about it so much?For the spouse that does not experience same-sex attraction, this can often be an uncomfortable topic. It brings with it the unknown, which can be scary. Sometimes the non-same-sex attraction experiencing spouse thinks, “I know you experience same-sex attraction and I love you and accept you as you are. Now let’s move on with our lives and put this behind us.”… >>MORE |
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My spouse seems to think that his/her needs are more important than mine. How can I help him/her understand that I have needs too?First off, to put it plainly, this may not be the right question to ask in a situation like this. Marriage is not about coming together in an effort to get your needs met, but it is easy for each of us to fall into the trap of feeling that “getting needs met” is one of the purposes of marriage. But as long as we think along these lines, your needs and your spouses needs are going to be in constant competition… >>MORE |
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My spouse seems to want to spend a lot of time with other same-sex friends who also experience same-sex attraction. Should I be worried?This is a hard question to answer because it all depends on where your spouse is in his/her progress, who your spouse will be with, and what they will be doing. First of all, know that healthy time and connection with others who experience same-sex attraction is imperative to growth in this process. In these friendships, your spouse experiences complete acceptance and understanding; there is no hiding, no judging. At the same time, it may be a source of temptation and a potential pitfall… >>MORE |
