You are not alone. There are others who share experiences similar to your own. Here you’ll find real stories from real people who strive to live their lives in accordance with the gospel while supporting a spouse who experiences feelings of homosexual attraction, nurturing strong and vibrant marriages and in some cases healing from wounds of infidelity. We hope the blog posts, articles, and videos shared here can help you begin to feel the vast amount of support available to you from others who have walked a similar road. Certain elements from their lives may even help you better understand your own story as well.
Take a look at the experiences shared here and feel free to submit your own for inclusion if you’d like.
Personal Essays and Experiences
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From the North Star CommunityThe following are some of the stories that various members of our community have shared as part of our monthly “Our Stories” or
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From Other SourcesThe following are links to various Ensign articles or other essays in books and other online sources.
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Blogs and Podcasts
With the launch of the North Star podcast, we will do occasional interviews or topical discussions that we believe are relevant to the interests of men and women in our community who are married to spouses who experience same-gender attraction. In addition, any Northern Lights–the official North Star blog–discussions that are relevant to the concerns of spouses are included here as well. We’ve also included blog and podcast discussions produced by other individuals and organizations that we believe to be in harmony with Latter-day Saint values. More recent podcasts and blogs are included first.
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An active LDS mother with same-gender attractionFAIR Examination Podcast Series “When we think of people with same sex attraction, we usually don’t imagine a temple-married, active LDS, mother of two. Yet that is what we find in this interview with ‘Samantha.’ Interestingly, a person such as she may not be as uncommon as we often believe. LDS Family Social Services estimates that 4-5 members in the average LDS ward experience same gender attraction. Most of those are married with children. In this interview, ‘Samantha’ tells about her experiences with Church leaders at BYU and in her home ward over the years. She also helps to provide insight into how fellow family members and ward members can help lift the burden of someone who experiences same gender attraction.” |
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Marriage to a man with same-sex attraction – Joshua & Alyssa Johanson, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3FAIR Examination Podcast Series “How does a man with same-sex attraction find the only woman in the world to whom he is attracted? In this interview, Joshua Johanson talks about his history with same-sex attraction, his experience as a BYU student and as a member of a singles ward, and introduces us to his wife, Alyssa Johanson. Alyssa shares her insights into being married to a man with same sex-attraction. Joshua and Alyssa also discuss the things that have helped make their marriage successful. As they do so, it becomes clear that their relationship is not all that different from anyone else’s. “They also discuss Proposition 8, Elder Packer’s October 2010 General Conference address, as well as the following questions:
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Overcoming same-sex attraction – Blake SmithFAIR Examination Podcast Series “Blake Smith is a member of the church who has a history with same sex attraction. In this interview, he shares how he reconciled his sexual attractions to men with the gospel of Jesus Christ and how the law of chastity has brought him peace. He begins talking about his unsuccessful attempts at aversion therapy and subsequent failed marriage. He then shares why he decided to stay in the church and what helped him. He talks about the love and encouragement he received from his ecclesiatical leaders and from a support group called North Star. He tells his story of finding true love to the woman of his dreams and of finally overcoming same-sex attraction.” |
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My Mixed-Orientation MarriageFeminist Mormon Housewives — May 4, 2012 “My dreams are different. My desires are different, and yet I remain committed and in love with my husband. My covenants to him stand as a testimony of my character. I have no intention of breaking them, and yet I give myself room to be who I am without shame. I only wish I felt as bold to declare this in front of an audience at church, and yet I cannot for fear of shame and humiliation. I wish our church could accept me as I am, but a part of me will always feel that the church views my homosexual feelings as a perversion and that is why I share this story with you…” |
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Faith and TrialsFeminist Mormon Housewives — May 26, 2012 “Well, of course it hasn’t been perfect, what marriage is? But Brennan and I have a good marriage. We have the normal hiccups–how to handle finances, parenting, and the like but for the most part, we really have grown together and worked to build our lives around the things that we both love–music, movies, cooking, our faith, and just spending time together. I really do feel like I’ve married my best friend…” |
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What Works for our MOMGood to Be Free — July 27, 2009 “It’s a pretty serious thing to realize that your spouse is not exactly the person you thought you were marrying. I did mourn the loss of my marriage as I knew it. But that’s life, right? There will always be unexpected disappointments, twists and turns. So rather than dwell on the negative, I try to remember all the good in life; I try to laugh. I like to tease him about his Hollywood boyfriends, and ask him what kind of guys he thinks are cute (I think we basically like the same type). Our son is blessed to have such a fantastic dad. I am blessed to have him as my best friend. Our home is truly a happy place…” |
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Straight Spouse Interview: DarrinNorthern Lights “The witty and handsome Darrin Stevens is married to the witty and beautiful Samantha Stevens. Darrin, who is straight, blogs at http://mortalrealm.blogspot.com; Samantha, the gay half of this mixed-orientation marriage, blogs at http://bewitchedtoo.blogspot.com. They’ve been married now for almost twenty-two years and have three children. Darrin refers to the past twenty-two years of marriage thus: As the frog says, ‘Time’s fun when you’re having flies!’…” |
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Straight Spouse Interview: MeganNorthern Lights “Megan and her same-sex attracted husband have been married since April of 2006. They don’t have any children yet, but according to her, ‘it won’t be too much longer.’ If you don’t know Megan (and even if you do), this interview is your chance to hear what she has to say about marriage, communication, religion, and sex…” |
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Straight Spouse Interview: MikiNorthern Lights “Miki Biddles has been married to Kengo Biddles for five years. They have two children. As you’ll see below, she is a very level-headed person with some great insights not only on her marriage but on the value of seeing people as individuals rather than only as representatives of whatever demographic they might belong to…” |
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Dating and Marrying, part 1Northern Lights — Ardent Mormon “After my series interviewing bloggers married for 25 years, one blogger e-mailed me privately to ask about my own marriage. Initially I didn’t think I would ever blog the topic, because there were way too many personally identifiable details, but I’ve since sanitized it a bit, and decided to follow his advice to share it. Here are his questions and my answers…” |
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Dating and Marrying, part 2Northern Lights — Borealis “-L- asked me to respond to the same questions he did. My answers are below. In many ways, since I’ve only been married three years, and was single for a long, long time, I feel more qualified to talk about bachelorhood than marriage…” |
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Dating and Marrying, part 3Northern Lights — Jason Lockhart “I didn’t really date much until my freshman year of college. Before that, I dated a little, but with no focus on or interest in the girls I was dating–it was more of a casual friendship sort of thing. But my freshman year of college, a good friend of mine who knew about my struggles (all right, all right, it was Leslie–this is before she could actually envision us as a couple) suggested that it was time that I maybe got a girlfriend…” |
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Dating and Marrying, part 4Northern Lights — Drex “For those that don’t know me, I’m Drex. I’m a 23-year-old guy, engaged to a fantastic 23-year-old gal. I’ve consciously ‘struggled’ with SSA since middle school, and now that I’m mostly through college I’ve found that while it’s still there, it’s not as much of a struggle. Beyond that, the gospel has always and will always come first in my life…” |
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More Dating and Marrying AdviceNorthern Lights — Borealis “I thought I’d post here an edited version of an email I sent to a friend. He’s single right now and desperately wants to get married, but he’s not sure how to start. He has very little experience with girls romantically. He was looking for hope and assurance that he could find a woman to be happy with.” |
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Interviews with 3 bloggers, each married 25 years, part 1Northern Lights “Since starting to blog, I’ve met many interesting people (if “met” describes chatting with someone you’ve never seen and have no idea who they really are!). There are three men in particular who have been married and active in the church for 25 years. This is quite an accomplishment for any marriage, but these men have gay feelings and their respective spouses know it. Considering the challenges of so-called mixed orientation marriages, I’ve wanted to hear how they’ve managed to raise children, be honest with their spouses, and stay true to the church. I want their advice so that 20 years from now I’ll have the best chance of being where I want to be–still married and flourishing…” |
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Interviews with 3 bloggers, each married 25 years, part 2Northern Lights “The second blogger married for 25 years that I interviewed is Abelard Enigma. He serves in his bishopric, has children, and recently began working through his situation with his wife. Prone to writing very supportive and encouraging comments, Abelard is someone whose opinion I respect a lot. Like SG, I want his advice so that 20 years from now I?ll have the best chance of being where I want to be–still married and flourishing. Here is our chat…” |
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Interviews with 3 bloggers, each married 25 years, part 3Northern Lights “The third blogger I interviewed who has been married for 25 years is Beck. His blog was originally titled ‘Beck’s Angst’, but he has since jettisoned the angst in favor of just “Beck” as the months have progressed and his feelings have improved. As we chatted, Beck expressed his misgivings about being any special example, but I take his courage, openness, and humility to be very admirable. I want his advice so that 20 years from now I’ll have the best chance of being where I want to be?still married and flourishing. Here is our chat…” |
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She ain’t no beard (a title suggested by Leslie)Northern Lights “It could definitely be said that times are rough for gay married Mormons at the moment. Several divorces are in process, as well as separations—and that’s just what I’m aware of within my locus of experience. The blogging world is abuzz with discussion about the topic of mixed orientation marriage, and whether or not it works…” |
Videos
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Nightline – Josh & LollyOn June 7th, 2012, Josh and Lolly Weed wrote a post on their blog in which Josh “came out” as gay, Mormon, and happily heterosexually married. That post went viral and caught the attention of media across the country, including ABC’s Nightline. This segment is a report on their story.
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Far Between – Ty & DanielleListen to Ty talk about his experience of coming to terms with his attractions, coming to peace with life as a single Latter-day Saint, and slowly opening himself up to marriage–and hear Danielle talk about what it was like marrying a man whom she was aware experienced attraction to other men and how that’s affected their life together.
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Far Between – EricListen to Eric as he shares his story of reconciling his same-sex attraction and membership in the LDS Church which eventually led him to decide to marry a woman and remain an active member of the Church.
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Nightline – Preston & MeganWatch this Nightline feature of Preston, a Latter-day Saint man who participated in the Journey Into Manhood experiential weekend, as he talks about some his journey including therapeutic helps to diminish his homosexual attractions.
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